#WHAT CAN I EVEN DO
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Why can't I just learn to:
not have opinions
talk as little as possible, only when necessary
not make demands
not get angry
not show any signs of displease
not complain
I need to refrain from these and make myself as little as possible, after all I am insignificant. Doing any of the above would just mean that I have the right to be respected, which I don't. I shouldn't even exist in the first place, so if I reaaally have to have a presence in this world, I should at least try to not bother anyone while I'm still breathing.
#i hate my self#I hate everything about myself#sorry for existing#Sorry for being alive#sorry for being depressing#sorry for being me#Sorey for having been born#Sorry that I can't kms#I know that would make the world a better place#I'm just sorry#IM SORRY IM SORYH IMSORRY#WHAT CAN I EVEN DO#personal#vent#venting#depressing shit#i'm sad#mentally tired#anxienty#mentally fucked#mentally exhausted#mentally drained#mental health issues#mentally unstable#tw depressing thoughts#tw depression#low self worth#low self confidence#low self everything#tw anxiety
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Loving that neris is majorly about them not āfixingā each other. I love it for them to just embrace each others most vile traits. I hc they hate fuck until they realizeā huh, I recognize this in me as well and maybe I like who they are because of it and therefore who I am regardless of what brought us both to be this way š¤ and Iād assume readers can be mature enough to not expect that to be realistic. But seriously what do I know. Maybe Nesta is a rude ass ingrate but she doesnāt give a fuck when her man is staring at her like she just swallowed death straight out of the Cauldron and besides Nesta sees heās a backstabbing conniver but looks at him like heās the only one that has the pants enough to do it š
š»and they just sort of wreck havoc together idc they can BE the anti heros. Itās fan fiction.
And then being that they are immortal basically they can spend as long as they want being dicks and then eventually after many years they just sort of catch themselves having some slack. In random moments of contemplation they realize they have just subconsciously started to be more chill than back in the day. Now theyāre like the parent that becomes less and less strict overtime and just subconsciously starts being good or whatever.
meh idk Iām just word vomiting here
#trying to get inspo for neris week ahhh I think today is the last day or is it over??#what can i even do#a moodboard?? idk idk a snippet?#yea probably nothing
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i need 2 get some fat n hair on me. i need 2 look hotter. sick of feeling so small and ill looking theres nothing to me man it feels bad i need to fix that i need to be comfortable in my body
#i feel hollow. my legs are so small i feel small. i feel really small#people infantalize me all the time cuz i looks so young and petite. it makes me ill let me take up space please#i wanna feel real#lemme take myself back in some way#but will i be trading in my want of comfort for mockery from the people i live around#is there no way for me to be taken seriously#and i act a lil dazey at the best of times im sorry bro fro not knowing anything youll still treat me like an adult right. right?#what can i even do
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you're allowed to discuss and work together, reblog for a higher sample size or something
You have 1 week, good luck!
#neo.txt#girl idk i don't really care about tagging#challenge#ig#i'll just let y'all do this on your own#if 10 people join then that works#but the more people join the more likely you are to succeed#i just wanna sit back and see what you all do#and if you can succeed#(twitter is failing)#tumblr even poll challenge#i guess i'll name it this!
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "šš¼šš¼ā" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) āwhy didn't he use š«µš¼?ā didn't exist yet. āwhy didn't he use š?ā dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. šš¼ is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent šš¼šš¼ as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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this manatee looks like itās in a skyrim loading screen
#lol good luck finding all of the photoshopped versions in the rb history. āmanatee restoredā is still my favorite of all time#misc#I encourage anyone dyslexic to try rotating him in your mind. I canāt do that; which is why Iām asking you to.#also: a bunch of tags are surprised this isnāt āshopped#itās the lighting. backlit by the sun (which is diffused through the water) but also forelit artificially#the artificial light - a flash pack or something - casts a hard shadow under the creatures arm#which normally wouldnāt be possible if backlit by the SUN; youād see a less-hard/more-fragmented shadow above water#as light sources ācompeteā in a sense - and since there arenāt any light sources which can outshine the literal sun#it looks a bit weird when the darkest shadow is being cast from any other origin point - which is whatās essentially happening here#I donāt know the mechanics of how light travels through water; but I know the effect is substantial even with relatively short distances#also: itās been balanced and color corrected by the author of the photo - who made deliberate choices to bring out the full potential#so itās not like itās a fresh and untouched export#but the kind of ātacked onā appearance of the creature is a result of the lighting conditions within the image
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very funny (irritating) to me that everyone whined and yelled about stupid rainbow capitalism and how performative wokeness/allyship is a net bad we should all refuse to support and now like.
tumblr is doing nothing for pride and target isn't selling much (if any) of their pride collection offline except at certain stores (in democratic areas, basically) and build a bear has a much tinier collection than normal and all the actual pride stuff is on their "adult" website (not sure if it's in stores, but pride = adult is a hell of a message)
there are genuinely good criticisms for performative allyship in all its applications. it shouldn't be the only thing we expect from people and companies. but if all the shit I see being called performative stopped tomorrow then in terms of the LGBTQ+ community especially we just. wouldn't talk about queerness or queer issues or celebrate pride or do anything.
open your fucking eyes. we are very close politically to having gay marriage rolled back. now companies are basically being let off the hook to even make a miniscule effort (which matters to the people who don't have access to any other kind of support in their communities! which normalizes the community in public spaces!) because the only reaction they have gotten over the last few years are negative ones from BOTH sides.
we are so entrenched in discourse at all times for the sake of our OWN performance of who is the wokest and who is REALLY an ally or a good community member that we have basically handed over all the work of activists of the last several decades to the other side because we'd rather scream at each other over fucking chicken restaurants and shit than the real life backsliding that's happening.
and this goes for other shit too. feminism, poc rights, all of it.
also. trans rights aren't discourse and aren't just culture war arguments. in case any terfs think they can spin this to be antitrans.
#pride#pride month#gay#lgtbqia+#lgbtqia#rainbow capitalism#i just#why can you not understand how just bc you dont like it from the standpoint of anticapitalism#does not mean its not important in a society controlled solely BY capitalism#its like watching feminism circle around from women can just exist even if not conventionally attractive to its woke to get plastic surgery#what are we DOING
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donated 50 reais to a palestinian GFM today
it amounted to 8 dollars
several days' worth of expenses for me became a single digit donation for them. barely enough for a blanket. just like that
it really sucks to know that my money is inherently less helpful no matter how much it'd pay for me, and there's nothing i can do
#and I can't even donate to an international organization that accepts reais because aid isn't fucking getting in anyway#we can already do so little. giving money so people can evacuate (which is what the oppressors want!!) is so much less than the bare minimum#it's so much less than they deserve#fuck man
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anya deserved so much better
#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#mouthwashing art#mouthwashing anya#ibon draws#cw eye strain#eye strain#just in case#massive trigger warning for people interested in the game ši myself had to just listen to a video summarizing it#because i don't do well with heavy games like that especially as a survivor and someone with cptsd myself#the way in which she was systematically failed and gaslit by the others even after the fact felt eerily similar to what i experience#'in the back of my mind it's always there' how it feels to have cptsd in the aftermath is so realistically depicted by anya- i can confirm#take care of yourselves ok <3 i wish us all healing and safety
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was talking with a friend about how some of dunmeshi fŠ°ndom misunderstands kabru's initial feelings towards laios.
to sum up kabru's situation via a self-contained modernized metaphor:
kabru is like a guy who lost his entire family in a highly traumatic car accident. years later he joins a discord server and takes note of laios, another server member who seems interesting, so they start chatting. then laios reveals his special interest and favorite movie of all time is David Cronenberg's Crash (1996), and invites kabru to go watch a demolition derby with him
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#kabru#kabru already added laios as a discord friend. everyone else in the server can see laios excitedly asking kabru to go with him#what would You even Do in this situation. how would YOU feel?#basically: kabru isnt a laios-hater! hes just in shock bc Thats His Trauma. the key part is kabru still says yes#bc he wants to get to know laios. to understand why laios would be so fascinated by something horrific to him#and ALSO bc even while in shock kabru can still tell laios has unique expertise + knowledge that Could be used for Good#even if kabru doesnt fully trust laios yet (bc kabru just started talking to the guy 2 hours ago. they barely know each other)#kabru also understands that getting to know ppl (esp laios) means having to get to know their passions. even if it triggers his trauma here#but thats too much to fit in this metaphor/analogy. this is NOT an AU! its not supposed to cover everything abt kabru or laios' character!#its a self-contained metaphor written Specifically to be more easily relatable+thus easy to understand for general ppl online#(ie. assumed discord users. hence why i said (a non-specific) 'discord server' and not something specific like 'car repair subreddit')#its for ppl who mightve not fully grasped kabru's character+intentions and think hes being mean/'chaotic'/murderous.#to place ppl in kabru's shoes in an emotionally similar situation thats more possible/grounded in irl experiences and contexts.#and also for the movie punchline#mynn.txt#dm text#crossposting my tweets onto here since my friends suggested so
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the mortifying ordeal of being known
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I think with Yor being so perceptive, she picks up on little things often (like we saw in ch 103). i believe this would impact loid more so than the usual person, because he is a spy and fakes every part of himself, so to be seen is simultaneously desirable and horrifying. like, it makes him torn between wanting to accept and reciprocate the love, or distancing himself so that it doesn't happen again.
thats mostly what the last panel is about, that dichotomy between 'omg this person noticed this about me, is this love' and 'oh shit this person noticed this about me, is this Doom'
just some thoughts i hadš¤Ŗ
#unrelated but i kinda dont like how this comic turned out š its like the first time i actually made a full rough draft first#and it somehow made the final product messier#and idk they just dont look like themselves???#it was more difficult to do it this time even though its mostly just them standing idk#maybe the lack of action was what made it difficult because#how many ways can you frame the same scene#for six pages#Anyways#spy x family#my art#loid forger#yor forger#sxf#twiyor#sxf loid#sxf yor
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im not particularly religious but i think itās very cute that Trans Day of Visibility and Easter are on the same day this year :)
its no question that something like this could be triggering or upsetting to a number of queer ppl given the current sociopolitical climate, so i want everyone to remember that u are loved! Regardless of what u or others believe, there are ppl who will love and support you always. Give yourself patience and treat yourself with care!!!
happy and peaceful TDOV everyone!! And Easter to those who celebrate :D
#sorry for treating Jesus like an anime character#trans day of visibility#tdov#easter#Jesus is actually very fun to draw#I have no idea how to tag this because what do I even say#lgbtqia#religion#Jesus#christianity#christian imagery#sorry for all the tags I just wanna make sure ppl can filter this if they donāt wanna see it lol#i drawd this
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As a reminder that good exists out there, a coworker recently confessed to me that he found out his child is questioning their identity (kid's gender redacted for this post). The kid is keeping it from him, so he can't say anything to them or show that he knows, but he's doing his best to get mentally prepared and educated so that he'll be ready whenever his kid does feel comfortable enough come to him.
For context, this guy is a big, bulky middle aged dude who loves sports and typical outdoor "manly" activities. As his coworker and friend, I know he's a kind and sweet teddy bear of a person, but his kid probably views him as a stern, authoritarian figure, the way most teenagers view their parents. His family lives in a conservative area, so I'm sure between that, their dad's looks and interests, and the fact that their dad is a Figure of Authority, the kid is worried that they won't be accepted.
But you know what? When he found out about his kid, the first thing he did was reach out to his closest queer friend and ask for resources for parents of questioning children. His biggest fears are that his kid will be bullied or discriminated against and won't feel comfortable enough to be themself. His second action was to find himself a mentor in another parent who went the same situation (kid coming out in a conservative town). The other person is preparing him for some of the struggles his kid may face and the fights he may need to take on as a parent to make sure his kid is safe and treated well.
Something I want to emphasize for people focused on language as the primary method of allyship is that when we spoke, he used some outdated terms and thoughts about gender and sexuality. That does not make him bad. These were the terms and thinking used about questioning teenagers when he was growing up and he never needed to learn more current ones. But now that he does have that need, he's throwing himself in head first because that's his kid and he's darn well going to make sure that his kid feels welcomed and has a safe place to be themselves even if they never come out to him.
#I'm so proud and happy for my coworker and I've been trying to figure out how to let him know how amazing I think he is#what gets me the most is that he's keeping this super down low to avoid giving any hints to his kid#he has a lot of queer friends so he already is known as an ally but there's always a chance it will be different if it's family#and he took that chance and crumpled it up into a ball and slam dunked it into the garbage for three points#and decided that even if his kid wants to hide it from him for the rest of his life he will still do what he can to make their life better#pflag#parents doing their best#parenting win#good news#allyship
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i don't wanna move i don't wanna move i don't wanna move i don't wanna move i don't wanna move i don't wanna move i don't wanna move i don't wanna move i don't wanna move i don't wanna move i don't wanna move i don't wanna move i don't wanna move i don't wanna move i don't wanna move
#.txt#im just sitting and reading in my room#i don't want to leave here#i don't want to leave here and never come back#i feel like i will get home sick and have no more home#home is where the heart is but what if i leave it here#what if i cant take it with me#my prints and wallscrolls will be on a stanger's wall#it's uncanny#every decoration every book every dvd every plushie is mine but it's in someone else's room that i have to live it#im so scared#i will not be able to come back like i could before#i will lose the way the light bounces around my room and reminds me of being 14#i will lose the feeling of laying in bed at 19 and thinking about danganronpa#my room will never come back#i can decide right now to make my room feel like it did when i was 12 and looking at deviantart by candlelight at 3 am#i can do it right now if i want to but if i leave it will never be the same#everything will feel different and i worry i will never be comfortable again#what if i get so upset i start to forget#what if i cant even come back in my memories#what can i even do#i don't want to leave
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Susie meets the friendly yellow rabbit in FNAF..
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf fanart#william afton#susie fnaf#fnaf pizzeria simulator#spring bonnie#yellow rabbit#ācan you get the dog please? I know how to get there..ā#since drawing the Charlie comic Iāve been wondering what I should do in that vibe next#it only felt right to focus on Susieās story#after Charlie David Cassidy etc I think Susie is the next most important ghost child#we know a lot about her#and her story is horrific it really gets to me#William kills her dog to test remnant#then uses her dogs death to lure her to test a humans remnant#ITS sick and twisted#itās how William uses anything to his manipulation even grief especially grief#I sniffle and sob over Chica and the cupcake
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truth serum / system reveal au where shen qingqiu gets hit with an uncloaking spell that reveals the system in the reflection of his eyes every time it pops up.
during one of his missions, in the treasure hoard of some dragon-like creature, he finds a golden, oval shaped hand mirror, its gaudy style more victorian based than anything (airplane you hack!), that doesn't seem to do anything when he looks into it. but when he does, it reveals the system's screen in his eyes.
he doesn't notice this, of course, because he can't see it, and the system, surprisingly, stays quiet.
the peak lords think he's cursed.
maybe mu qingfang is the first to notice, during the mandatory post mission check-up, when shen qingqiu is scrolling through his most recently accumulated points and mu qingfang can see the strange vividly-blue lines reflected in his pupils. it's gone when shen qingqiu blinks, like it was nothing but a trick of the light.
it comes out when yue qingyuan is visiting and, just as he's done laying out the plans for a new mission, shen qingqiu's eyes glaze over and a bright blue box takes over the whole of his iris. shen qingqiu goes quiet; the thing in his eyes moves, shifts, pulses for a second, like static worms crawling all over his pupils. then he blinks, and it's gone, and shen qingqiu accepts the mission that yue qingyuan was almost sure he would decline.
maybe there is an intervention, when the peak lords corner shen qingqiu at qian cao peak and try to figure out what's wrong, subjecting him to all kinds of treatments and curse-finding spells that turn up empty, they can't find anything.
of course, the silencing threat is still very much up and running. at first shen qingqiu was kind of confused by the whole ordeal, but when the peak lords start describing a "strange blue box", he realizes, with sickening suddenty, that they're describing the system. and he can't say anything.
this only makes everything worse, because their fellow peak lord now keeps evading every question and acts like he doesn't understand. liu qingge points right at his face and asks, "that blue box, what is it?" and shen qingqiu laughs nervously and starts talking about how bright the weather is and surely it's the sky and nothing to worry about!
even worse, during the intervention the system thought it was a good idea to start talking to him, so now even the peak lords who hadn't seen it and who might have been persuaded by light tricks and reflections, get a first row view that no, that definitely isn't a trick of the light.
they try to do the whole thing of "are you in danger, blink twice" but shen qingqiu can't even do that because it's still a direct admittance!
maybe eventually he starts saying vague confirmations that don't actually confirm anything, like "this master hears what you're saying", or maybe he goes with a classic "this master can neither confirm nor deny that." but the system starts warning him for that too and eventually he stops saying anything, which worries the others more.
luckily mu qingfang catches on that every time they ask a direct question about the box or shen qingqiu says anything vaguely confirming, it appears. it doesn't appear when they ask about curses or demons, so it must not see that as a threat.
for a little extra angst: maybe the peak lords keep pressuring him for answers, and at some point shen qingqiu gets fed up and snaps out something like, "why don't you understand that i'm not allowed to answer that!" the system counts this as a direct admittance, threatening it's existence. so it punishes. shen qingqiu has a qi deviation so bad it lasts two weeks and takes two people every day to cleanse his meridians. the system doesn't appear in that time. it doesn't appear for a long while after that, either. the peak lords stop asking, mainly because shen qingqiu will instantly leave the room if they do. they don't stop searching for a cure, though.
shang qinghua returns from a business trip and catches on the second someone mentions a blue box and forced silencing.
#i like the idea of sqq sort of disassociating every time he talks with the system#like his eyes go unfocused and he goes quiet and doesnt seem to hear what others are saying#and the others always thought that was odd but hey. whatever. until some strange *thing* started showing up#i do also like the idea of the system slowly allowing sqq more liberties#bc its decided it likes this storyline#liu qingge comes to cleanse sqqs meridians and gets red with anger when the system pops up in sqqs eyes#but then sqq reaches out to him and says ''no. it... likes you.''#the system doesnt (cant) really like anyone. but its gifting him friendship points when liu qingge visits him and that's positive?#liu qingge doesnt see it as positive and gets even more mad because what do you MEAN this monster enitity ''likes him''????#liu qingge is going to kill it the first chance he has!!#yue qingyuan talks about a mission looking for volunteers and you can *see* his face fall when the blue box appears#''it wants you to go. doesn't it?'' ''this shidi would like to join this mission.'' ''i understand.''#sometimes the blue box appears and sqq looks *stricken*. like he just saw something really awful#but he just cant talk about it#svsss#scum villain's self saving system#scum villain#shen qingqiu#yue qingyuan#mu qingfang#system svsss#svsss au#reveal au
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